This is the second post, some hours after the first. It's 10:46 pm, or 22:46 military time.
At the moment I'm unemployed (and ostensibly looking for work). I've been unemployed for about a month now. Before that I worked two part-time jobs. One was at a public pool as a receptionist. That one lasted six months. The other was at a movie theater snack bar, shoveling popcorn and pouring booze. I was there for like a year and a half--practically an eternity. Before that I was a college student, studying Creative Writing. I dropped out twice, but I did end up finishing. Only took me...what, six years? A little less than half of that time was spent in student housing, the rest at my parents' place.
I'm a very lonely person. Used to be even lonelier, actually. I wrote a really sick comment under a Youtube video of an Animal Collective song a few months ago that got at it well. Let's see if I can find it...
Here it is!
I remember listening to Campfire Songs while walking through the woods behind my dorm my first semester of university. Felt truly alone for the first time in my life. My family moved a lot when I was growing up and to cope with having to reestablish my life every few years I actively avoided making friends. Listening to AnCo I saw my past, present, and futute loneliness and was overwhelmed. Wish I could go back and tell her it gets better...it actually got worse in boring adult ways, but it also got better in terms of feeling like an actual person capable of making meaningful connections.
I'm tempted to spruce it up a little, but I won't. We must honor past Abigail's diction and syntax choices.
(By the way, the song was "Queen in Pictures". It's off Campfire Songs, one of their more underrated projects. You could find the comment pretty easily.)
Did you know that I'm a trans woman? Well, I guess that's what I am. Part of me cringes out of my skin when I call myself that. As far as labels go "Queer" and "Gay" go down easier. "Lesbian" too, though that one is a little fraught for pretty obvious reasons. ~Internalized Transmisogyny~ :)
"Bisexual"? Ewwww no way. I used that for a while, but like I don't know man. Probably there was some ITM going on there also. I'm lowkey a biphobe. Hahahahaha. Not really. "Pansexual" is also cringe. "Nonbinary"...something I tip-toe around. Part of me irrationally feels that your pronoun situation needs to be spicier to warrant that label. I'm strictly a she/her girly, thank you very much! But well. If I'm so ambivalent about calling myself a woman, might iding as nb be a solution?
Once, when I was new to my theater job, I made myself one of our (not terrible, actually) frozen pizzas for dinner. The manager asked the other person working snackbar if he didn't mind staying a little late so "Abigail can get a chance to eat their pizza". My pronoun situation was ambiguous at this point, maybe? I never told anyone I used she/her, or that I was trans even. This is not to say I was or am stealth. But I mean. I've got a typically female name, long hair, flawless skin, tits, etc. Even if I'm clocky in some ways, there's no doubt I've got something going on. Anyway. My boss's use of "they" made me feel inhuman, somehow. So no she/they for me. Just she, please.